Coming Soon: A Valentine’s Day . . . ALONE

When Your Valentine Can’t be With You

 

Valentine’s Day – it seems people either love it or hate it. At least, there’s a great deal of hate for it on Facebook nowadays and of course, outcry against the extreme commercialization of relationships. But for a widowed person this sweet holiday can feel like a punch in the gut. Having a whole day dedicated to the relationship you’ve lost is a miserable and potentially anxiety inducing event. Maybe this is your first Valentine’s Day alone or, like a dear friends of mine, your last Valentine’s Day with that special someone.

 

Valentine’s Day can become a symbol of pain and loneliness even to it’s most avid celebrators. While grief can never be extracted from a loss, there are some efforts you can make this Valentine’s that can bring new meaning and comfort to this grim day.

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Photo Credit: www.keepingitcraftyblog.blogspot.com

So, in an effort to cut some of the anxiety out of your February, here are some simple and practical ideas just for you on how to spend the 14th in ways that are worthwhile, meaningful, and loving.

  1. Get a Massage – treat yourself to something important, healthful, and rejuvenating. Massage Envy is a great place to go and there’s almost certainly one close to your house.
  2. Connect with friends – plan to do something altogether or have them over to your house for dinner and a movie. Usually being around people we love and that make us laugh are great distractions on tougher days.
  3. Surprise someone – give an unexpected gift, take a lonely neighbor flowers (purple tulips are my personal favorite), bring doughnuts to your coworkers, or tip your Starbucks baristas a little extra.
  4. Encourage others – spend some time writing letters of encouragement and thankfulness to your close family and friends. Looking at the blessings in your life and in turn blessing others is a wonderful way to honor this holiday. Here’s a how-to if these seems a bit daunting.
  5. Create – write a poem, draw a picture, or plant some flowers – create something that symbolizes or captures where your heart and mind are this Valentine’s Day.
  6. Eat – treat yourself to your favorite meal or maybe cook up some of your spouse’s favorite foods. Enjoy yourself, indulge a little, and cherish your spouse as you enjoy food that they savored.
  7. Reflect on the love you have had in your life. If your spouse has passed away, look through old albums, remember Valentine’s Days from the past and journal about them. Maybe you could even write a love letter to your spouse. Even though these memories may stir-up pain, it’s important to remember that you loved and were loved deeply in return. It’s a beautiful thing to dwell on.

Let me leave you with this jewel of wisdom as you go into this Valentine’s Day. No matter where you are, you are in a unique place in your life.

Do the best you can with it, and from us to you, have a MEANING-FULL Valentine’s Day!

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Photo Credit: redindhi.tumblr

and enjoy it!

What are you doing this Valentine’s Day? What traditions do you observe when you are missing your spouse?

Molly Keating

About Molly Keating

Hi, I'm Molly and I write for the blog here at O'Connor. I grew up in a mortuary with a mortician for a father who's deep respect for the profession inspired me to give working at a mortuary a try. Work at O'Connor has brought together two of my deep passions, writing & grief awareness. In 2016 I earned Certification in the field of Thanatology, the study of Death, Dying and Bereavement. I am honored to be able to speak on these taboo topics with knowledge, compassion, and a unique perspective. I want to sincerely thank you for following & reading the blog, I hope that this is a healing place for you.
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  • Ms. Fran Cantor

    HOLA Molly,

    How nice to hear from you and wishing you a Blissful “Valentine Day” with your love ones.
    When My Dear Husband pass away, It left me with a empty close Heart for a very very long time.
    As the years pass by I tried to revise my Heart & Life. And I did with the blessing of my Children.
    After 10 mo. of Depression and had lost my job to. My Daughter took me out to find a new Position.
    My First interview I was Hired, personal called the President of Martin Aviation told him I have a Perfect
    Receptionist. I was Blessed because it change my whole life and character. I put my whole heart
    into it. It Gave me a new personality Meeting wonderful people and Martin was a Family company.
    It help me to get to know myself and grow and every since then I have BLOOM to where I’m NOW. Live
    life to the fullest. With the Grace of God by my side. Do my very best who every I met with a “SMILE”

    It is up to us to make changes or live a life of misery. I did not want that!!!! I Live,Love and pray. Life is
    has been good for me because of my five Children and Precious Friends like you. You are doing Fabulous .
    Question need an answer. Try How many live in “DENIAL” Maybe?????? Blessing to “YOU” +

  • Thanks for the great story, Fran!

    I will definitely think about that question you posed at the bottom, could be a great blog!

    Hope you have a very happy Valentine’s Day!

  • Hi Molly –

    This is a great blog post! Valentines Day can be a lonely day for those who have either lost a mate to death or are just alone. We are pretty low key when it comes to Valentines day, plus our house has been under ill health. So this year was low key to say the least, yet the love is strong!

  • Molly,

    What a lovely, thoughtful post on a difficult subject. I especially like your final idea: reflecting on the love you have had in your life. In dealing with our losses, it is so important to remember and celebrate what we have had. The pain of our parting is very much the product of the happiness we have had – and we must hold onto that happiness and be grateful for it. After all, not everyone finds a love of their life, sadly.

    And Marla, thank you for showing me around O’Connor’s on Wednesday. You really have something special going on.

    Jane

  • Fitz

    Hi Molly,
    Thanks for sharing the helpful tips on how to deal with loneliness not only on this day but on any day we have those feelings. Regardless of whether your attached or unattached, we all deal with the feeling of being alone from time to time. Your suggestions are great. The plan for me is to enjoy the beautiful sunset with a sparkler (adult beverage) with Kathryn. Looking forward to it.
    Fitz